vineri, 21 noiembrie 2008

te urasc 10 secunde..


Ma aflu aproape de tine.. la 3 rasuflari si jumatate. Ti-am alungat mainile de pe pielea mea si te-am alungat cu totul de langa mine. Dar mi-e greu sa te privesc cum te foiesti in celalalt pat si ma indemni sa nu mai fiu incapatanata si orgolioasa.Mi-as intinde mainile sa te trag aici dar ceva inauntrul meu nu ma lasa...
Este incredibil cum un om poate sa urasca pe cineva in conditiile in care cu 5 minute in urma ar fi facut orice este lumesc ca sa-l multumeasca. Dar eu stiu ca ura asta e trecatoare.. nu ma tine decat cateva secunde. Te urasc ca n-ai puterea sa ma smucesti si sa-mi dai doua palme cat sa ma trezesc la realitate. Sa-mi ararti ca eu sunt a ta si tu esti al meu. Sa-mi stergi lacrimile de copil de pe obraji, sa ma linistesti, sa ma protejezi, sa ma iubesti.Te urasc pentru ca m-ai lasat minute bune sa-mi fac sange rau si ganduri disperate. Te urasc... Si daca as putea te-as uri pentru tot restul vietii mele. Dar nu pot..n-am putut sa te urasc decat pana m-ai atins. Pana cand m-ai lasat sa ma pierd in bratele tale si sa-ti mangai fruntea si buzele. Pana m-ai privit in ochi si mi-ai spus..."eu pe tine te vreau orice ar fi".. Pana mi-ai spus ca nu concepi sa nu ma mai vezi..ca te gandesti prea mult la mine.. Ca o sa ma suni si eu trebuie sa-ti raspund.Eu nu stiu sa urasc si mi-e ciuda.
Noaptea trecuta mi-am infipt umarul in barba ta pana ce tepii mi-au spart pielea si durerea m-a facut sa te stiu aproape, sa te simt aproape. Cand te intorceai de pe o parte pe cealalta era mai grav pentru ca nu mai simteam nicio durere si ma speriam. Mi-era frica ca o sa te pierd, ca o sa ma trezesc dimineata si te voi cauta langa mine si patul va fi rece si gol, ca totul e un vis care mai devreme sau mai tarziu va lua sfarsit.
Ti-am zis si tie si va spun si voua:"O iubire pe care va trebui s-o pazesti nu reprezinta nimic". Am obosit sa am grija sa nu mai fugi de la mine. Acum totul depinde de tine..eu ma las asa, la voia intamplarii. Nu mai lupt, nu mai plang, nu ma mai supar. Simt ca ti-am legat lanturi de picioare in ultimele zile si vreau sa te las de capul tau. Vreau sa am incredere in tine si vreau ca tu sa vezi asta. Sa faci cum mi-ai promis si eu sa fiu mandra de mine, si de tine si de noi.
Iti multumesc pentru rabdarea pe care ai avut-o si pentru ingaduinta. Pentru ca daca tin eu minte bine intr-o alta data te-ai speriat si ai fugit. Dar te-ai intors.. si o sa te intorci mereu, sunt convinsa. Pentru ca fericirea ta aici este. Implinirea ta aici este. Si daca va fi sa-ti mai vina vreo idee, iti vei da seama ca aici iti este locul. Ca ai o noua casa unde trebuie sa te intorci indiferent ce s-ar intampla. Multumit sau nu, fericit sau nu, obosit, plictisit, satul, epuizat, tu trebuie sa te intorci aici..
Am cu tine un al-nu-stiu-catelea inceput. In care am incredere si in care mi-am pus ultimele sperante. Mi-au mai ramas putine, ce-i drept dar ti le dau tie si pe astea. hai, ia-le! Pretuieste-le sau fa ce vrei cu ele...

17 comentarii:

josephine spunea...

ah la dracu. ti-as zice, fie sa iti pierzi definitiv capul, respectul de sine si inima, fie sa fugi mancand pamantul... adesea fug. e varianta cea mai scurta catre cel mai mic esec: din fuga asta iesi foarte usor sifonata. spre deosebire de adulmecat mirosuri ce-ai vrea sa le simti pe vecie, care duce clar spre pierzanie. vezi!? nu-s puternica! sunt lasa! daca eram eu, fugeam fara sa ma uit o clipa inapoi.

poate ar fi trebuit sa fi stat...

vyanna spunea...

ba nu.. fugi cat te tin picioarele, femeie.. e perfect asa!!!

Anonim spunea...

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